In honor of President's Day, we bring you an extra-special American treat: a soliloquy about one of the most terrible tragedies facing our freeways. In this post, our beloved CEO Steve Keefer shares an enlightening perspective on his experience driving to Washington DC.
Here is our message: One driver at a time, we can make the road a better place. God Bless America.
CAMPING IS GREAT...JUST NOT IN THE LEFT FRIGGIN' LANE!
By: Steve Keefer
It’s illegal. It’s immoral. It’s dangerous. And - it’s downright rude! Makes my blood boil - and for me, symbolizes wasted potential, which is my major pet peeve (and friggin’ UnAmerican). Yep. I’m talking about: Left. Lane. Mf’in. Camping!! Those individuals who fly in the face of all that’s good and just and free and fast, and violate the American Dream. Left lane is for passing, my good (sic) people! America was founded on Freedom dammit! And as much as the open range, what better symbolizes Freedom than the open road?
This is a true story, hand to God. There I was...driving to DC (from New Jersey, outside New York City). There was intermittent reasonably intensive precipitation. I mean, there was rain, but we’re not talking any monsoon or anything. Well I was driving in the left lane of a 3-lane highway, and I was disappointed to see that my speedometer read 30 mph (in a 65 mph zone). Gajook-gajook! (That’s my heart beating, blood pressure rising). And there’s a loooooong line of folks in front of me. We’re jammed. Well we got to a vista point, I mean I could see clearly several kilometers ahead, and lo and behold, what do I see? One myopic MF, all the way up front, who’s blocking every single one of us from passing. Hunched up, tunnel vision, and there’s noooooobody on the road except this MF (in his mind at least). And he’s got about a kilometer of free clearance in front of him - and nobody to his right, so that he could get the $#%! out of the left lane. Cause...left lane is for passing!
Hand to God, same trip, happened to me again. And again. GAJOOK-GAJOOK!! Blood pressure red-lining! Steam coming out of ears! Flame coming out of eyes! Truth, justice and the American MF’in Way to mete out to the Violators! Thor’s Hammer by my side! Vigilante Justice feeling pretty good (in my mind). Calm down. Breathe deep. There’s gotta be a better way.
One thing that helps me get through moments like that is that I think about building a blog, called Left Lane Campers. The purpose is plain and simple - just to ‘out’ these Violators. All that gets posted are the time, place, speed and Violator’s license plates. Wouldn’t that be awesome? But I’ve been told there might be some legal liability in that. (And I’d be kinda hypocritical, ‘cause I’d have to take a pic while driving...definitely not a good safety tactic).
But this is for real. Just a heads up. I am profiling and building the most sophisticated left lane camper database that exists. (At least in my mind). One by one, all by all. All you Left Lane Campers are on notice - if you are a Violator you can expect to be put up in my Wall of Shame.